The Flying Chinaman

Halloween Quiz

2010-11-12T18:06:00.000-08:00

I couldn't find a good Halloween quiz on the internet, so I made one. Here it is.

1. Halloween originated from all but which of the following? (3 points)

a) the Celtic festival of Samhain

b) the Christian holiday All Saints' Day

c) the Gothic Festival of Lupercalia, goddess of fruits and seeds

d) the ancient Britons summer's end festival, Calan Gaeaf

e) the Roman festival of the dead called Parentalia

2. Every year on Halloween, Charlie Brown and his friend __________ sit in a ______________ __________ waiting for ______ __________ ______________ to appear. (6 points)

3. Which of the following does not describe a ghoul? (3 points)

a) it dwells in burial grounds and other uninhabited places

b) it is a desert-dwelling, shape shifting demon that can assume the guise of an animal

c) it lures unwary travelers into the desert wastes to slay and devour them

d) it is the spirit of a soul trapped in this world and unable to pass on to the afterlife

e) it eats the dead taking on the form of the one they previously ate

4. Which of the following artists would put on a "musical costume" on Halloween by performing an entire album by another artist? (3 points)

a) The Grateful Dead

b) The Dave Matthews Band

c) Phish

d) Pink Floyd

e) "Weird Al" Yankovic

5. Match the following fictional characters with their creator. (6 points)

a) Frankenstein Bram Stoker

b) Count Dracula Victor Miller

c) Michael Myers Robert Louis Stevenson

d) Mr. Hyde Mary Shelley

e) The Headless Horseman John Carpenter

f) Jason Voorhees Washington Irving

6. Which of the following is the Guinness world record holder for the "World's Largest Walk Through Haunted House"? (3 points)

a) The Cutting Edge Haunted House; Fort Worth, Texas

b) The Bates Motel & Pennhurst Asylum; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

c) The Haunted Mansion; Disneyworld, Orlando, Florida

d) Fuji Q Highland; Saikyo Senritsu Meikyu, Japan

e) The Borley Rectory; Sudbury, Essex, England

7. The song "Monster Mash" was written in 19__2 by which of the following artists? (hint: each of the below artists released songs this year) (6 points)

a) Howlin' Wolf

b) Bobby "Boris" Pickett

c) Cliff Richard and The Shadows

d) Chuck Berry

e) Jimmy Smith

8. Which of the following is NOT a story in the 1981 collection, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark? (3 points)

a) The Hook

b) The Big Toe

c) "May I Carry Your Basket?"

d) High Beams

e) Something Wicked This Way Comes

9. Rank the following scary movies by US domestic box office total (highest to lowest). (5 points)

a) Jaws

b) The Sixth Sense

c) I Am Legend

d) Signs

e) Ghost Busters

10. What is the name of Stephen King's first novel? (6 points)

1. c

Halloween (or Hallowe'en) is an annual holiday observed on October 31, primarily in the United States, Canada, Ireland, and the United Kingdom. It has roots in the Celtic festival of Samhain and the Christian holiday All Saints' Day, but is today largely a secular celebration. Historian Nicholas Rogers, exploring the origins of Halloween, notes that while "some folklorists have detected its origins in the Roman feast of Pomona, the goddess of fruits and seeds, or in the festival of the dead called Parentalia, it is more typically linked to the Celtic festival of Samhain, whose original spelling was Samuin (pronounced sow-an or sow-in)". The name is derived from Old Irish and means roughly "summer's end". A similar festival was held by the ancient Britons and is known as Calan Gaeaf (pronounced Kálan Gái av).

2. Every year on Halloween, Charlie Brown and his friend Linus sit in a pumpkin patch waiting for The Great Pumpkin to appear.

3. d

In ancient Arabian folklore, the ghūl dwells in burial grounds and other uninhabited places. The Arabian ghoul is a desert-dwelling, shapeshifting demon that can assume the guise of an animal, especially a hyena. It lures unwary travellers into the desert wastes to slay and devour them. The creature also preys on young children, robs graves, drinks blood, steals coins and eats the dead taking on the form of the one they previously ate.

4. c

Phish's Halloween shows have included the following:

1994 The Beatles - The White Album

1995 The Who - Quadrophenia

1996 The Talking Heads - Remain in Light

1998 The Velvet Underground - Loaded (in Las Vegas) and Pink Floyd - The Dark Side of the Moon (in West Valley City, UT)

- Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus, is a novel written by Mary Shelley. Shelley started writing the story when she was 18 and the novel was published when she was 19. The first edition was published anonymously in London in 1818.

- Dracula is an 1897 novel by Irish author Bram Stoker, featuring as its primary antagonist the vampire Count Dracula.

- Halloween is a 1978 American independent horror film directed, produced, and scored by John Carpenter, co-written with Debra Hill, and starring Donald Pleasence and Jamie Lee Curtis in her film debut.

- Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde is the original title of a novella written by the Scottish author Robert Louis Stevenson that was first published in 1886.

- "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" is a short story by Washington Irving contained in his collection The Sketch Book of Geoffrey Crayon, Gent., written while he was living in Birmingham, England, and first published in 1820.

- Friday the 13th, the 1978 film was written by Victor Miller, and was produced and directed by Sean S. Cunningham; neither returned to write nor direct any of the sequels.

6. a

Built in the late 1920's as a meat packing warehouse, Cutting Edge has a total length of 689.17 m (2,261.08 ft) from its entrance to its exit and it takes, on average, 55 minutes for the visitors to cover the distance, taking in all the scary haunted house props, spooky ghosts, frightening decorations, strobe lights, fog and monsters along the way.

The Bates Motel is a high action, adrenaline pumping haunted attraction featuring a 25 minute, heart pounding haunted hayride through the dark forests of Arasapha Farm. This horrific hayride is just the beginning. The dark corridors of the Cornfield Trail will surely send shivers up your spine, but nothing compares to the main attraction of this trilogy of terror, The Bates Motel, a huge Victorian mansion filled with computer controlled animatronics, digital sound , lighting and fog, detailed rooms, custom soundtracks, and a host of professional actors. Consistently ranked best in the country, The Bates Motel is one show you won't want to miss!

The Fuji Q Highland is known as the scariest haunted house in Japan. It takes about 60 minutes to walk through the 0.6-mile route in the haunted hospital.

The Borley Rectory is reputedly the "Most Haunted House in England".

7. b

"Monster Mash" is a 1962 novelty song and the best-known song by Bobby "Boris" Pickett. The song was released as a single on Gary S. Paxton's Garpax Records label in August 1962 along with a full-length LP called The Original Monster Mash, which contained several other monster-themed tunes. The "Monster Mash" single reached number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart on October 20 of that year, just in time for Halloween. It has been a perennial holiday favorite ever since.

8. e

Scary Stories to Tell in The Dark is a series of three children's books written by Alvin Schwartz and illustrated by Stephen Gammell. The scary stories of the title are pieces of folklore and urban legends collected and adapted by Schwartz.

Something Wicked This Way Comes is a 1962 novel by Ray Bradbury.

The Sixth Sense $293,506,292 (Released 8/6/1999)

Jaws $260,000,000 (Released 6/20/1975)

I Am Legend $256,386,216 (Released 12/14/2007)

Ghost Busters $238,632,124 (Released 6/8/1984)

Signs $227,965,690 (Released 8/2/2002)

10.

Carrie is American author Stephen King's first published novel, released in 1974. Carrie is an epistolary novel. It revolves around the titular character Carrie, a shy high-school girl, who uses her newly discovered telekinetic powers to exact revenge on those who tease her.

Terlets

2010-04-09T20:02:00.000-07:00

***warning - this post may contain graphic ideas - do not read it if your poo doesn't stink***

I have been spending time with Jason at work recently. I must say that I have been very impressed with the toilets there. Most office restrooms in China are laid out more or less like this:

and while it's nice that there is reading material provided, I must say that I wouldn't mind a little privacy. That's why I was pleasantly surprised to find that the toilets at Jason's work are divided, at least in part, by vision obscurers. I was also happy to note that patrons are often kind enough to leave reading material around the stall for others to use as well.

I don't know how many of you are familiar with a urinal, but in China, we simply called them "go outside". My first urinal experience came at a sports arena, and it was one that could be shared by as many men as could fit shoulder-to-shoulder. It was called a manger, so-named because it resembles the thing out of which barn animals eat. Or in which Jesus was born.

Clean, I know, but still lacking in privacy. Jason's work has some of the most amazing urinals ever - complete with .5 meter tall dividers so you can't see at least .5 meters of your neighbour. Best of all, because they are "going green", they have waterless urinals! That's right - all the convenience of peeing against a wall without that pesky clean water to wash away the scent of your co-workers' spray!

As everyone knows, the urinal was invented by Russian engineer Sir Thomas Crapper in response to the time that he dropped his cell phone in a public crap hole. He made his wife retrieve the thing then and there, but he vowed at that time to invent a toilet that "wouldn't make me strip to my skivvies just to fish out a dropped phone." He named his invention after the fabled Urinal Mountains, which divided Europe and Asia in the time of the Huns. Here is his story:

They have everything for you men to enjoy, You can hang out with all the boys...

2010-01-18T15:39:00.000-08:00

Jason took me with him to the Young Men's Christian Association to take Adri to ballet lessons. As a communist, I was sad to see that religion was once again imposing itself on a helpless citizenry.

I was happy to see that the good people of West Chester, Pennsylvania were fighting back.

Jesus, Man of Not Compassion

2009-02-04T19:57:00.000-08:00

Like every good Chinaman to survive abortion, I believe in social equality. "Social-ism", it is now called, or "Equality of Outcome". This philosophy embodies compassion for one's fellow man. Let me tell you a story about a man I once met who claimed to be compassionate, but who was maybe a little confused.

Some time around the year of the monkey, during the 34th cycle (or 30 A.D. according to the Roman calendar), I was working with a crew of Chinamen for a port-a-potty company near Jerusalem. We had contracted with a local union to set up about 750 "little johns", which is what we called 'em, about a week before a man was to give a sermon on a grassy knoll called "The Mountie", so called because it resembled a prostrate Royal Canadian Police Officer.

I had heard that this man was a socal-ist, like myself, and since our contract stipulated that 5 men be hired to supervise each little john, I had time to listen to much of the sermon on The Mountie.

The man was called Jesus, and I could tell right away that this man was no social-ist. In fact, he taught such extreme right-wing dogma (such as personal responsibility and suffering the consequences of one's actions), that they eventually shut him down. I had the opportunity to talk to him about one of his radical ideas, and I will share that story with you now.

Jesus saideth: "The kingdom of heaven is as a man traveling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods. And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability;" Right away I began to question this guy. Who did he think he was, giving out unequal parts? It came across as a bit arrogant to me, but I wanted to see where he would go with this.

He continuedeth: "Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents. And likewise he that had received two, he also gained other two. But he that had received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord’s money." Aha, said I, he will teach us about the evils of usury, and he will discuss placing a salary cap on the first man, who was probably a CEO of some kind. This man did nothing to earn his talent, and he probably exploited others to see his increase.

Jesus kepteth going: "After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them. And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more. His lord said unto him, 'Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.'" Now I knew the truth about Jesus. He was an evil capital-ist, sewing seeds of class envy. He reiterated his point with the second man. "He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them. His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord."

But then he got crazy. The poor third man, who, through no fault of his own, was a lazy piece of crap, got royally shafted. "Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I...hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine. His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant...Thou oughtest...to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury. Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents. For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath. And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth."

This was more than I could bear. I had to walk away. I went back to my little john and sat, contemplating the injustices of this world and the callous way that this arrogant man discounted the perfectly valid excuses of the third servant. After the crowd had been dispersed and all the extra food had been gathered, I approached Jesus as he was boarding his fishing troller and told him he was wrong. Even if the third man was to have his talent taken away, wasn't it only fair to give it to the two-talent man rather than the five-talent man? This was the kind of corporate favoritism that would plague our world for centuries to come. This was the rich getting richer while the poor got poorer. And you know what Jesus said back to me? Nothing! He just smiled at me as though he actually cared about me, and sailed away. Him and his cronies were probably over-fishing anyway.

I live in Frazer, Pennsylvania

2008-12-01T16:55:00.000-08:00

I live in Frazer, Pennsylvania. Frazer is just past Paoli, Pennsylvania, last stop along the "Main Line", where the rich people who work in Philadelphia live. There is an area extending west from Philadelphia, about 200 square miles, where people like Will Smith, M. Knight Shamamalam, and the Eagles live. I live 210 square miles outside of Philadelphia, so I am only almost famous. I did meet some Eagles at a party once!

An Eagles' Party

I don't really live in Frazer, Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania is broken into Townships, Boroughs, and Shires, like Middle Earth. I live in Tredyffrin Hamlet, but must write Frazer or Malvern on my mail, because there is no Tredyffrin post office. I don't know where I pay taxes. I just sent them c/o The Mayor of Tredyffrin.

The Mayor of Tredyffrin

The spirit of brotherly love flows along the Main Line like fluid through a vein. And the spirit of brotherly love is personified in the yielding of the right of way. Nothing makes a man more chivalrous in Southeast Pennsylvania than pulling to a four-way stop before someone, but then asking them to go on before you. It is also brotherly lovely to hold the door for your date, or for any other woman, or strange man, or anybody. And you don't just have to hold the door for those within the crease...no, you must hold the door for anyone visibly heading towards your door, or else you do not possess brotherly love.

Nearby is Valley Forge, a place so cold it brought George Washington to his knees. This was because Washington knew that future lawmakers would trample his most famous work, the Constitution. Washington had clearly outlined in the Bill of Rights that "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of turning right on red, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;" Yet Pennsylvania draws 4.5% of its state education budget from those cited for turning right at a red light.

Did you know G.W. was a Mormon?

Valley Forge is famous because that's where Washington lost to the Redcoats. It was actually at the nearby Battle of the Brandywine where Washington lost. After Lord Wellington, commander of the British army at the time, defeated Washington in single combat, the British were allowed to pass on to Philadelphia, and Washington had to walk to Valley Forge with his trousers around his ankles while whistling "Roll Britania!" Some think Washington would have won had he chosen Ash Ketchum rather than the ill-fated Mewtwo as his Pokémon.

Me and my new neighbors

I live in an apartment complex with a lot of Indians. From India. They invited me to one of their religious celebrations one time. A woman wearing a full, furry, red costume danced and sang with the children. I know this was a religious celebration because many of the women had red dots on their foreheads.

DaShawn was tired of Ramashandran's nonsense

Change

2008-11-24T16:16:00.000-08:00

I am very old, but even I must adapt to change. So I, too, got a gmail account and sent the following emails:

Dear Mrs. B.,

First of all, I want to thank you for the many happy years I have spent in your home, and I mean that with all my yellow heart. You have really made me feel like a part of your family, and since my own family died many thousands of years ago, it was important for me to feel loved. With that being said, however, I would like to request that you help me move. I feel like I am entering a new phase in my life. I am beginning a new dynasty, to coin an old Chinese phrase. I yearn for a little more excitement than can be provided in the home of empty nesters. I have procured lodging in Pennsylvania, and would kindly request that you mail me to my new residence at

123 Fake St
Frazer, PA

Please do not feel that I am leaving you. I just need change.

Kind regards,
Flying Chinaman

Dear Mr. W.,

This is a bittersweet time for me. Bitter because I am about to leave a place that I love. (Sure, I've been living in a basket in the bottom of a dark closet for two years, but hey, things could have been worse -- a lot worse.) And sweet because you have offered me a new life where I can enjoy babies, toys, videos, German pancakes, and the wonderful freezing rain of a Pennsylvania winter. I hope one day to even see Lawn Mower Park and feed those extremely scarey fish.

Please allow me a few days to pack my things and say my good byes. I have very little to bring with me -- just a change of underwear and my teddy bear. I humbly desire that you will provide absolutely everything else that I could possibly desire.

Yours truly,
Flying E. Chinaman

Oh...herro cat! Frank you fo joinine my facebook page! I hope you rike velly velly much!

Ok, I can cut the crap. I've been alive for thousands of years, and I've been in this country for a long time, and my accent isn't really that bad. It's mostly for show. And as you can see, I can write pretty well in English. I sent an email to your mom a few days ago, but I don't know if she got it. Will you please ask her to mail me to:

123 Fake St
Frazer, PA

With change in the air as a meaningless national mantra, I've decided that I, too, need a change. I don't want to live with old(er) people anymore. So please mail me to my new home.

All my love,
Flying Chinaman

2008-11-11T19:49:00.000-08:00